


to be alone

by my_infinite_variety



Series: tumblr prompts [22]
Category: Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Bullying, Five Year Mission, Inspired by a Hozier Song, M/M, Mentioned Amanda Grayson, Mentioned James T. Kirk, No Dialogue, Not Beta Read, Originally Posted on Tumblr, POV Spock (Star Trek), Running Away, Self-Reflection, Spock (Star Trek)-centric, Tumblr Prompt, mentioned sarek
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-29
Updated: 2020-04-29
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:27:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23903827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/my_infinite_variety/pseuds/my_infinite_variety
Summary: spock reflects on his life and how he will go forward.
Relationships: Leonard "Bones" McCoy/Spock
Series: tumblr prompts [22]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1689361
Comments: 4
Kudos: 42





	to be alone

**Author's Note:**

> title is from hozier's song "to be alone"  
> it is also inspired by the lyrics "not a trace of me would argue. honey, we should run away, oh, someday" from the same song

Spock was no stranger to running.

He ran from peers as a child, sharp words and insults on their tongues, blank faces staring him down and judging him so harshly that he began to believe them. He ran fast and ran hard, begging for the warmth of his mothers arms. He only ever received his father’s words - just as sharp as the words he’d been running from - and his mother’s tears.

He ran from Vulcan, from the expectations placed upon him and the disappointment that followed close behind. Earth was nothing like home, too cold and filled with noise, and he relished in it. He was an outcast, but never subpar, never seen as inferior. It was a blessing.

He ran into the stars when the time came, when the position on a starship was shoved under his nose and a captain with a sly grin offered a place at his side. It was an easy decision, a selfish decision, and Spock packed his bags to leave his home on Earth. It was all too easy to forget where he’d come from, where he’d run from. It was hard to think of such things when one was so busy, after all.

Spock ran from Leonard McCoy for three years and didn’t make it very far. The doctor was intelligent, so much more intelligent than anyone gave him credit for. Spock was enamored within weeks of their acquaintance and terrified within six months. Vulcan teachings, the words of his father, and the jabs of children haunted him during the night, and during the day he played the perfect specimen. His posture was straight, his voice was level, and his lips never twitched with a smile. At first, at least. Leonard McCoy was a miracle, a brilliant man, a doctor, and an expert in emotion, human and otherwise. Spock never stood a chance. 

Their five-year mission was coming to a close, as Spock always knew it would, and running wasn’t an appealing prospect. Correction: running _alone._ Doctor McCoy would return to Georgia to a little girl and a house in the country. Spock would return to a grand family home on a planet that was unnerved by his very existence. Spock, in a privacy of his own mind, yearned to run back to Earth with the doctor at his side. So when their final morning on the Enterprise came and Spock rolled over to face Leonard, his lover smiled that sly smile of his and Spock knew. 

If Spock was going to run, he’d have someone along for the ride.

**Author's Note:**

> don't forget to leave a comment and/or kudos!  
> leave your own requests on my tumblr (myinfinitevariety.tumblr.com)


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